End-of-Life Care May Be More Spirit-full Than Spiritual
It’s a common reaction from folks who come across my website… “I think what you are doing is awesome. But my ___________, is not spiritual at all. They won’t get this.”
What’s so important for you to know is that this will make them like the majority of my patients! Though I am personally spiritual, this is what inwardly fuels me and inspires the work I do. This may, or more commonly may not, manifest outwardly in my work with a dying person. Do not let this concern stop you from exploring the possibility of end-of-life care for you or your loved one.
A family member recently said to me, “my mother-in-law won’t be open to meeting you. All she will talk about is politics, sports and eating.” I thought back on the hours upon hours I’ve spent in conversation with my patients. These discussions have included things like favorite gardening memories, anecdotes about vacations gone awry, stories of their childrens’ births, food cravings, dreams from their youth, career accomplishments, favorite sports teams, arguments once had with college roommates, dementia-fueled rants, political fuming and so much more. These exchanges may not directly relate to their spiritual beliefs (or lack thereof), or speak directly to the looming process of dying. But in sharing these conversations, a bond is formed on which deep work during active dying can take place.
“It is not my role or objective to bring spirituality, or even the topic of death, into the conversation unless and until a patient shows me signs they might like to discuss such things. ”
It is not my role or objective to bring spirituality, or even the topic of death, into the conversation unless and until a patient shows me signs they might like to discuss such things. And even if that moment never comes, profoundly impactful work can still be done together.
Lastly, please remember that the work of an end-of-life caregiver often appears to be focused on the patient. But that is only half of the equation. Equally important are the family, friends and any other caregivers who may emerge to support the end-of-life process. If you fear that this type of work and the perspectives shared on this website won’t resonate with the dying person, but they spark with you or other family members and caregivers in the mix, don't worry. The “spiritual stuff” can be our little secret.