End-of-life care & counseling
A common reaction: “But my loved one isn’t spiritual. They won’t be open to this.”
you need not be spiritual to benefit from compassion, COMPANIONSHIP and care at the end of life.
My work with the dying
I work with people and families at various stages of progression toward the end-of-life.
This simple altar, including flowers arranged with the patient’s spouse, became a sacred focal point during a three-day vigil. Following the patient’s passing, the flowers were used in ritual that brought closure to the experience and peace to the family. The flowers used in the arrangement revealed themselves as the patient’s favorites during the year of visitation and bonding that occurred prior to the beginning of the vigil.
My Offerings to Individuals and Families ApproachING Death Include:
Companionship and support (emotional and practical) for the dying, their loved ones and caregivers during the last year of life
Advocacy for patients and families with medical care providers, hospice, etc.
Assistance with helping patients and families explore topics related to spirituality, past trauma/regrets, fear of dying, unfinished business, etc.
Exploration of life meaning and creative expression of legacy
Helping patients and families prepare for what to expect during the dying process, with particular focus on helping patients develop practical coping mechanisms and tools
Hands-on, active, non-medical caregiving during the process of dying, including overnights (e.g. sitting vigil)
Preparing sacred space and integrating spiritual practice and ritual into these processes
Assistance in honoring the body and handling practical needs immediately following death
Supporting family and caregivers in the weeks and months following a death
Certifications and training
Member, National End-of-Life Doula Association (NEDA)
Recipient, NEDA Proficiency Badge
By Your Side End-of-Life Vigil Companion Training
Chaplaincy Institute “Being with Death and Dying” Course
the doula approach to dying
Regardless of your beliefs, death will either be the culminating experience of your life, or, for those with certain spiritual beliefs, the last step from one plane onto the next. Either way, approaching this universal capstone of life with awareness, intention and support has the power to drastically impact the quality of a person’s remaining time, their experience during the process of dying and as I have felt deeply in my work as a doula for the dying, the nature of one’s arrival in what comes next. For families and loved ones supporting the dying, the aid of a neutral, third-party caregiver not only provides much-needed practical respite and support, but breathes fresh air into the experience, allowing it to evolve from something to get through into something to be savored, sanctified and remembered.
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me…
…One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
—John Donne, The Holy Sonnets
a key tenet of tHIS WORK IS ITS CUSTOMIZATION FOR each patient based on his or her needs, desires and beliefs. GUIDePOSTS AND COMMON ELEMENTS of the practice include:
Visitation & Bonding
A doula will begin to spend time with a patient and their family in the weeks and months leading up to passing. These visits can be as simple as a friend coming over a visit and are often marked with a great sense of joy for all parties. The bonds formed and trust established facilitate the work that comes later in the relationship.
RESOLUTION, Meaning & Legacy
Conversations during visitations can lead to themes related to fears, unresolved conflicts and tension, which a doula can help identify and address. Narratives of life meaning emerge. And, creative representations of legacies can become meaningful collaborations that become priceless heirlooms for family and friends.
Intentional Planning
From legal plans like advanced directives to the type of music and extent of physical touch a patient desires during active dying, planning helps prepare everyone from the journey ahead, and elevates desires and priorities.
Sitting Vigil
A doula or team of doulas will remain with the patient and caregivers around the clock, as desired, during the period of active dying. This sacred time includes the use of modalities to ease suffering, organizational skills to liaise with hospice staff and plan caregiving shifts, helping track progress and anticipate needs, integration of ritual and care for the body immediately after passing and so much more.
Reprocessing
A doula will often continue visits with the family in the weeks and even months following a death so that all parties can fully process and integrate their entirely unique shared experience.