living in trust, 18 months and counting
It has been 18 months since I parted ways with the agency that was my professional bedrock for the prior five years. My role there as executive vice president, the awards we racked up, the impressive business growth and monthly direct deposits were more than just accomplishments. They validated me and proved to me that I was succeeding.
When the ax came down, my fear was outshone by a sense that something wonderful was unfolding. I felt I was being given an opportunity to "level up" and create a new type of existence. I had 15 months until I would turn 40, and sensed that by then, a new foundation would come into focus.
For a few days, I delighted in picking up the manuscript that had been laying dormant and not obsessively checking my email. But when opportunities to consult immediately started rolling in, I quickly began to revel in the security of checks, and my ego delighted in the sense of feeling wanted. I had caught a brief whiff of something new trying to emerge. But instead of having the courage to give it more time to develop, I pivoted right back into what I already knew. I spent the rest of 2022 building my business.
Then came a nagging feeling. I started to realize that while it was nice to be doing things my way, with my own team and with more of a focus on creative and strategy than sales and revenue, in reality, I was right back in the rat race. I had sensed the possibility of something new wanting to unfold, but landed right back where I had started. Earlier this year, the easily won projects and revenue began to diminish. Why with two kids to feed, a Tesla to pay off and an upgraded home I moved into shortly before this big transition began, was the revenue beginning to slow down? What was I meant to learn from this? Why couldn't I motivate myself to go out and "sell?"
In the quiet space of less work to do and more focus on asking what I was meant to be seeing, it became very clear to me that when I lost my job, I had not stopped to ask, "what am I meant to be doing now?" I had rolled right back into the old programming of what I knew best. I allowed the self-created mandate of a growing bank account to lead me into activities that weren't innovative for me. It kept me stuck in a loop the Universe was giving me an opportunity to end.
As I allowed myself to be in this place and did the work to breath and ease myself through periodic moments of panic, things began to shift. I found myself inspired by new ideas and thoughts. I received tremendous opportunities to deepen my journey of self-care and spiritual growth. I started meeting new people who were in need of my help. What resulted has been a complete shift in how I view my work. I no longer see myself as striving to grow a company or expand my reach. Instead, I find myself living from some new rules:
I will no longer allow the fear-based pursuit of "running out of money" or "not having enough savings" to in any way impact choices around how I spend my time and talents.
I will recognize that money is energy and be courageous in knowing that the Universe will provide me with abundant resources, so long as I live fearlessly, in service, integrity and love.
I will no longer use my time and talents in support of corporations' blind pursuit of growing bottom lines and will rail against "grind culture."
I will focus my attention on the people at the heart of these organizations, and serve them so that they can in turn be agents of growth for their employers' without deprioritizing their own happiness or being exhausted or exploited.
I will no longer allow ROI and "lagging metrics" to threaten me into fear-based action.
I will allow creativity, professional artistry and the "leading metrics" that reflect motivated action to inspire stellar results.
Tactically, very little has changed. I still wake up, go to my computer, log onto calls with clients, dream up marketing ideas, optimize strategies, create talking points, write press releases, produce videos and so much more. But my strategies and motivations have shifted significantly.
I am here to be of service to individuals. If I am in service to individuals with demands on them from brands and corporations, then we will address those demands from a place of inspiration and artistry--beginning first with their own personal satisfaction and growth. If someone feels that my service can help bring forth the fruits of their passion and purpose and I resonate with them, then money will not be what decides if we can work together. I am here to be of service to those who are open to help and open to doing things in a new way.
I am in trust. I have resigned from "grind culture." I am making a radical act of rebellion against "the old way," and know I will be protected in doing so. I am asking to be led to those I am meant to serve. Please let me know if you feel that might be you.